Joy Class Androids


This is a joint effort, featuring Joy, Tamacy, Kaysi, McKenna, and a sports utility vehicle to be named later.

After some searching, LcdJoy, LcdTamacy, LjMcKenna, and EnsKaysi, find an unlocked, luxury SUV in the convenience store's parking garage.

J "Kaysi, would you please navigate? Tamacy, take helm, please? Doctor…"

Tamacy slides behind the wheel, Kaysi finds the front seat, Joy and McKenna aim for the back seats. Bulging environmental suits make the settling in process difficult. Doctor McKenna enters the vehicle last. Finally -and not without some effort- she closes her door.

M "I'll try to fix your errors. Do you people know what you are doing?"

SUV "Alarm! Alarm! Current occupants are not authorized operators! Alarm! Alarm! Current occupants are not authorized operators! Alarm! Alarm…"

J "Mr. Sport Utility Vehicle? Excuse me, but there is a declared state of emergency, and we need to borrow transportation."

SUV "Alarm! Alarm! Current occupants are not authorized operators…"

J "Ensign Kaysi? Do you know the valid security overrides?"

K "Yeah, I believe so. Something like: Declared State of Emergency. United Federation of Planets personnel. Uniform zulu one niner zero six. Shut yer freaking yap."

SUV "Authorized. Passenger's safety features activated."

Restraints shoot out from the seats, and encase the thorax of each of the SUV's occupants.

T "Excellent, Mr.Kaysi...It would seem our choice of this particular mode of transportation has been reinforced, and secured.... Commander, I could not help but notice that there are three pedals under this console. Since I have only two feet, I was hoping you would shed some light as to the pedals' functions?"

SUV "Alarm! Alarm! Unlicensed operator! Alarm! Alarm!"

J "Uniform zulu one niner zero six. Shut yer freaking yap."

SUV "Alarm! Alarm! Occupants of vehicle are over weight. Operation at high speed over rough terrain can damage vehicle. Alarm! Alarm!"

A chorus answers: "Uniform zulu one niner zero six. Shut yer freaking yap."

SUV "Alarm! Alarm! ..."

T "....I must say, I am beginning to find this vehicle most annoying... Computer, are you quite finished?"

SUV "Affirmative."

T "Ah! That's much better... Computer, please specify function of foot pedals."

SUV "Right, applies power to drive. Center, break, slows vehicle. Left, clutch, disengages drive from wheels."

T "Well, that shouldn't be too difficult now, should it?... Computer, power up drive, please."

SUV "Acknowledged."

The engine readily powers up. Tamacy checks the gages, satisfied.

T "I am pleased to report that engines are on line, and helm is ready, Commander."

J "Standard right turn. Reverse engines, slow. Come to bearing 315 true."

T "True, Sir?... I am afraid onboard sensors are somewhat rudimentary...."

K " back out and point the car towards the parking lot exit."

T "Thank-you, Mr, Kaysi.... Will this be adequate, Sir?"

J "Engage."

T "Engaged, Sir…"

K "Not your military right! The other way!"

SUV "Alarm! Alarm! Overly rapid release of clutch can cause… Alarm! Alarm! Collision. Alert!!!!"

J "All stop."

T "Indeed...."

The vehicle comes to a sudden halt as it meets with one of the parking garage's supporting columns. The collision's shock wave is absorbed by the restraints. The occupants are unarmed.

J "Standard right, forward slow briefly until course is 045 true."

K "Return to Square One. Do not pass "go". Do not collect $200. And try to keep us all alive!"

T "Mr.Kaysi, I assure you that your concern for, and contribution to our common welfare is duly noted. However, I am perfectly able to understand the Commander's orders."

The wheels are rotated to the appropriate angle, while the power pedal is pressed, and the clutch is released more slowly. The vehicle pries itself from the column noisily and moves forward.

SUV "Traffic control has been notified of this incident. The United Federation of Planets shall be held responsible for damage inflicted."

K "Great we really do have to pay. Wonderful."

J "Engines reverse slow. Clutch release slow. Reverse on bearing 45 true until clear of neighboring vehicles. Then hard right. Come to bearing 315."

K "In my language…"

T "Yes, Mr.Kaysi??"

K "Nevermind, I shut up now."

The car carries out Joy's orders with a semblance of accuracy.

T "Though, I am afraid that operating this vehicle is a somewhat more delicate matter than we had anticipated, I do believe we are making progress, Sir."

J "Forward slow at course 315. When you reach the "road," come left to course 225 true."

K "i.e. Drive on the right side of the road. Not the military right."

T "Mr. Kaysi, please do show some restraint....Engaged, ahead slow, Sir. Coming to course 225 true."

Kaysi rolls her eyes and sits back. "Were all goign to die I just know it.

J "Very good…. Commander Tamacy, gear factor four!"

T " Yes, Sir!"

The SUV speeds towards a distant, though prominent hill.