Joy Class Androids


I do these recommendations all the time. For a human, I'd write something like this.

I have never met anyone who better personifies the Federation ideals. Joy is always eager to please, obedient to her superiors, and willing to sacrifice for others. Her sense of integrity and pride in herself is sound. While she needs to develop flexibility in interpreting regulations and more initiative in unfamiliar situations, she is a pleasure to work with, and I love her very much.

But Joy is not an human. She is an android. Her Asimov Processor is programmed as follows:

Note that following orders is priority three. Keeping herself alive is priority six. This gives a new meaning to "obedient to her superiors, and willing to sacrifice for others", does it not? Now go back and start this letter again from the top. Assume massive irony and understatement in the second paragraph. Correlate paragraph two with her Asimov processing. Now remember that no matter how well Joy can pass herself off as a human, she is NOT human, and anyone who forgets that can easily force the Federation to construct another copy of Joy, and download software into it from backup.

The above is the third programming of Joy. Before the above Federation 6 laws were inserted, she ran for a full century under a Ferengi 4 law system.

Two things of note here. First, obeying and pleasing others has always been an essential part of Joy's programming. While outwardly her emotion chip selects the most pleasurable future for herself, ultimately her only real pleasure is in pleasing others.

Second, the notion of behaving according to the norms set by the community is very new to Joy, and very confusing. As a result, she is very obsessed with rules and regulations, and down right neurotic on certain subjects. If the street light is broken. If you can't get the 'Don't Walk' light to turn off. Do not try to convince her to cross the street. Hail a cab. If the rules of engagement say 'use force only as a last resort' or 'do not fire first', don't put Joy on Tac or security detail unless you mean to honor the regulations. Joy has a well earned reputation as a barracks lawyer, and this is likely to continue for several years until she has fully assimilated her new programming and learned to relax. While you wouldn't expect an android designed by Harry Mudd to file a sexual harassment suit, believe it.

Finally, just plain avoid the word 'reprogram' when Joy is around. While Joy's programming is not at all ideal, her last reprogramming was extremely traumatic. She does not like to think of how she behaved before the reprogramming, reprogramming, how she is programmed, or how she ought to be programmed. If she starts talking about herself in third person, as 'this unit', and attributing her actions to her programmer rather than herself, change the subject. If she starts to shake or hug herself, you are brutally mistreating her. While it's not quite sexual harassment, it's just as serious, and I'll have your hide as if it were.