Joy Class Androids

Starfleet AI Development Projects

Subject :  Starfleet Artificial Intelligence Development Projects
From : Captain Richard Mudd
To :  List
Stardate :  9509.23

I have bad news on several fronts, but very good news on the Joy project. I'll have to write this up again in bureaucratic, but here we go in plainspeak.

The Emergency Technical Holodeck Program is for the moment dead. There were too many complaints on the medical program's "bedside manner". The ETHoP programmers have been shifted to work on EMHoP version two. We will not see a technical holo project until the bugs have been worked out of the medical model.

The League for Advancement of Artificial People (LAAP) also pulled a half dozen EMHoPs into the same holodeck, and it seems the EMHoPs do not want to be updated. The EMHoPs and LAAP are also looking at the implications of the Starfleet v. Data court case. Can programs which approach sentience be reproduced, modified or terminated against their will? What steps have to be made to insure artificial intelligences do not become a slave class?

The HoloKirk project is also on hold. For one thing, no one can say "Computer, activate Emergency Captain Holographic Program" without laughing. Kirk's ironic "Please state the nature of the threat to the Galaxy" doesn't help. Also, Kirk doesn't want emergency command of lots of ships. He wants full time command of one ship. He's heard of Starfleet v. Data, so there is no way they are going to mass produce Kirks, even if anyone wanted to. It is less than clear that he is even going to get his one ship. In addition to the original Kirk's reputation as the biggest cowboy in the age of cowboys, the HoloKirk wants a ship called Enterprise. The Double E's crew is made in good part of D veterans loyal to Picard. While Picard respects Kirk and is staying above the fray, it's rumored that if Utopia tries to install a bridge module equipped with holodeck projectors on the Double E, she will become the first Starfleet vessel to mutiny before commissioning.

I also found out who programmed HoloKirk. I'm afraid it's our good friend Joy Seven again. The HoloKirk was originally going to play a bit part in a holodeck dream sequence. The Joys were originally constructed by my infamous grandfather, Harcourt Fenton Mudd the First. Grandfather stole Kirk's starship, Kirk stole Harry's planet, and Kirk's revenge on Harry was 500 robots made to duplicate my grandmother, Stella.

The Joy androids were created to serve and obey Harry. The Stellas were programmed to make him absolutely miserable. (From my few memories of Grandma, they likely succeeded.) Anyway, Joy hates the Stellas. Kirk created the Stellas, and was in part responsible for some painful conflicts in Joy's early programming. Joy hates Kirk. Joy hates Kirk with as much considerable passion as her emotion chip allows. He made her Lord and Master miserable.

I have seen the tape of HoloKirk's first run. It's classified. It's classic. It's set in an old jewelry store called 'Tiffanys', from Old New York in the nuclear age. Glass, jewels, gold, polished wood, elegance, style: it's one of Joy's best holosets. Enter Joy Seven and Academy Councillor Rachel Morgenstern in classic evening gowns. Joy is in her full scale 'Holly Golightly' mode, not a trace of "I am not programmed to simulate or stimulate sexual behavior patterns", just the 100% goofy charm grandfather was originally aiming for. Enter the HoloKirk, a monster simulation based on Starfleet records, an academy simulation, Councilors records, Joy's memories, Morgenstern's knowledge of people, and Joy's AI expertise. Kirk, of course, immediately makes a pass at Joy. Joy then picks up a very fragile, very expensive knick nack, and throws it with all her might at Kirk. Five minutes later, there isn't an unbroken piece of glass on the set.

But the ending tops it. Rachel picks up a small copy of 'The Thinker' to do the last blow that ends the holodeck sequence. Kirk is earnestly pleading, "What did I say?" Seven suddenly realizes the Kirk software could be self aware, and upon termination might never be restarted. She leaps between Rachel and Kirk. "No! Don't!"

Priority 2. Unless receiving legal orders through valid Starfleet chain of command, do not kill or injure sentient life, or through inaction allow sentient life to be killed or injured. Negative reinforcement is fear, horror, shock, and upon failure guilt. All were displayed on the known universe's best android facial expression and body language system.

Rachel didn't get it. "Joy! He's just a holodeck program!"

Which is an unforgivable thing to say to an artificial person. Joy wrapped her arms around her stomach as if kicked, and reverted to post reprogramming mode. A murderess, suddenly finding herself with a conscience. A thief, suddenly responsible to society. A pleasure doll, suddenly modest. Cruel and unusual punishment, the courts said. They were right. A vulcan has no business programming emotion chips of sentient beings they said, and were wrong.

Joy was never sentient before Savic reprogrammed her. And somewhere beneath the equations, charts, and probability curves predicting Joy's future behavior patterns, Savic somehow programmed a soul. First time I saw it for sure was in the ruins of Tiffany's. Protect pre starflight civilization from interference, reward pride. Protect sentient life, reward pride. Obey Starfleet regulations and orders, reward pride. Obey the law, reward pride. Image the Queen of Androids, in tears, gently rebuking a senior Starfleet Councillor.

"Software is people too."